pg. 40 - When I was...
An excerpt from my book, "Piece by Peace: A Collection of Musings" | Available on Amazon.com
When I was...
When I was born, my dad made it a point to make sure I had black dolls because he wanted to make our home a safe space.
When I was 3, my best friend licked me and said, "You're right. You don't taste like chocolate." Then I licked her and said, "and you don't taste like vanilla." with child-like awe.
When I was 5, I had cornrows and afro puffs in my hair while my friends had long, straight hair that naturally flowed in the wind. I was jealous. I wanted hair like theirs.
When I was 6, I realized I was the "black friend" and I was proud of it.
When I was 6, I sat in my rocking chair and watched Cinderella (1997) every night. It made me believe I could be a princess too.
When I was 7, I would play princess with my friends and would have to pick between Pocahontas and Jasmine because my friends didn't know there was a black Cinderella and quite frankly, when I thought of Cinderella, I thought of the cartoon version too.
When I was 7, two black girls said, "Are you sure you're black? Coz you look black, but you don't sound black and you don't act black."
When I was 7, I didn't think I was black enough.
When I was 9, we marched around my grandma's house yelling, "I'm black and I'm proud!"
When I was 11, a white girl who I looked up to and who I considered to be a friend reacted to the idea of being considered brown as "ew!"
When I was 11, I realized some people think brown is "ew."
When I was 12, I learned about double standards when my mom and I had "the talk" that black kids get from their parents.
When I was 12, I began filtering everything I did, said, and wore in public.
When I was 14, I was called an oreo.
When I was 15, I realized I got darker in the summer and lighter in the winter, so I tried to stay indoors.
When I was 16, I started writing a book series and the main character was white by default. I subconsciously didn't see myself as a main character.
When I was 16, I had some non-black "friends" who liked to tell black jokes.
When I was 16, I heard the word, "nigga" being used by people who aren't black for the first time.
When I was 17, I believed the reason boys didn't seem to like me was because I was black and therefore, less pretty.
When I was 17, I realized I compared myself a lot to the people I followed on Instagram.
When I was 17, I thought about bleaching my skin, but knew I was the shade I am for a reason.
When I was 17, I stopped following people who made me feel bad about myself when I saw their photos.
When I was 17, everyone wanted full lips and thickness and I was happy I finally felt in style.
When I was 18, I realized that when you change the images you look at, your perception starts to change.
When I was 18, I discovered the hashtag, black girl magic.
When I was 18, I started following more black girls on Instagram.
When I was 18, I went off to college and met a couple of girls like me (girls that would get called oreos too). For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel different and it was a relief.
When I was 18, boxer braids cornrows became a thing in mainstream media.
Now, I'm 20 and for the first time in too long, I believe my black is beautiful.
Now, I'm 20 and I've already seen Black Panther 4 times because I understand how important representation in the media is and I know my younger self is living vicariously through me. Representation in the media is not just important to the people being represented, but for those who need to see a positive, or just different, representation of us to counteract ignorance.
Now, I'm 20 and I'm even more proud and inspired to be myself.
-Age 20